Lake Palace Fitness

For years I thought there were few things more homoerotic than the American gym. Sweaty men wearing tight shirts that often were little more than leotards, all greased up and staring at themselves in mirrors. On the walls were pictures of famed weight-lifters of the past...donning banana hammocks and showing off the rippling chest and back that these other posers could only dream of. Afterward, many head into the locker room, strip down and shower together. Just shy of frolicking around the shower trying to play grab-ass...this...in my mind was the most accepting homo-erotic thing a homophobic culture could stand.

Then I came to Korea and got a gym membership.

The first time that "It's Raining Men" came on in the middle of a set...I was a little confused. Is this supposed to pump me up? *Hallelujah, it's raining men*--nine.....TENNN. Yes. There's my set. I realized after time that it was actually a Korean techno remix to "It's Raining Men," but don't worry, the choras is relitively unscathed. Other favorites from the gym have been the Abba Medley and Madonna.

A couple days later I was doing dips between two benches. The 30 year old guy who works the gym comes over while I'm doing them and starts squeezing my triceps. "Ooooh! Very good muscle! Handsome muscle! FIGHTING!!! Oh Kevin, you are very strong very good muscle."

There is also the other gym goer who finishes his set of bench presses...gets up and starts dancing provocatively to Dancing Queen. He really loves his Abba, which somehow is JUST NOW making it to Korea.

Jump, Hustle Doo!

I've spent the last 19 years of my life building up false hope from the months of November through March...only to be let down every April through October. Of course, I am talking about Pittsburgh Pirates baseball. Despite following them since 1990, I have only seen 3 winning seasons (the last was before I learned about long division) and zero world series appearances.

Yet this year, my beloved DOOSAN BEARS have reached the Korean championship (is it world series?). They are playing the SK Wyverns...which apparently is some sort of dragon. Tough match-up. American baseball can't appreciate going up against a fire-breathing mythical creature. The Cardinals wouldn't stand a chance.

Series is 1-1. Doosan is down 3-1 in game 3 in the 7th.

China - part er (2)

The Forbidden City was also grand and impressive. Much of the architecture was lost on me being that it is very similar to what i've seen in Korea and Japan, but the amount of it was impressive nonetheless. I bought an audio tour of the grounds where this funny little woman with a British Chinese accent would tell me upon entering a room "Let me tell you a story (she had lots of them). This is the hall of abstinence, where Emperor ZingZowZang would fast as a sacrifice to the gods. He was not permitted any spices or alcohol...but was allowed to eat meat." (f-ing sacrifices man...and to think that I only abstain from meat on Fridays during Lent). Yet, some of the natural ambiance was lost by the fact that EVERY F-ING BUILDING was a rediculous museum to some ridiculous artifact. This smarmy British Chinese woman kept teling me stories about Emperor Xianxao's 14th and most beloved concubine as i looked at ceramic plates from the 14th century. Once a hetero sexual male sees his 11th hair brush from the 1840's....he's gotta start thinking about abstaining from more life....though he could still eat meat. The british chinese accent would then tell me that the house I was standing in was the home of Emperor Wanju's favorite Concubine. However, while she whispers those sweet nothings in my ear...all I see is a fine array of 18th century rulers. I'M A TEACHER! I didn't travel to China to see artifacts of semi-ancient measurement....

However, despite all that...it was a pretty wonderful trip. The great wall was one of the most surreal and serene things I've ever seen. I chose to go on a 12 KM walk along a less travelled and unrenovated portion of the wall...wonderful decision. While most people go to another section where they can hop on the wall...cram through people to get their picture and then buy a heinous hat or t-shirt describing their accomplishment...I actually got to walk the real wall...that was really built 500 years ago. It was sweet. Pictures forthcoming.

The food was interesting. Somethings were wonderful and delicious. Other things were Bull's Penis. And while I didn't try this delightful dick dish, I did decide to be adventerous and try Braised Goose one night. I've never had goose...but what the hell, right? It was good enough for Tiny Tim...damnit, it's good enough for me. What greets me is a dish of goose feet (still looked like feet!), goose esophagus, goose heart, goose liver, and probably for all I know...it was marinated in goose brain. I choked down as much as I could....though the feet almost made me experience it twice. My next meal....sweet and sour chicken. I really am not lying about the penis dishes either. I would say about 60% of the restaurants I was in had some sort of genetalia to be offered up. Now...what if there is a rush on dick? I mean...how much can they really keep in the freezer (no shrinkage jokes...please...). There was one restaurant that seriously had about 4 different types of animal wangs. WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THE REST OF THE ANIMAL?! Are we needlessly slaughtering bulls for their twigs and berries?

All in all...good trip. The hostel was great. The wall was surreal and the highlight of the whole thing. And I saw some Chinese acrobats do some unspeakable things with their mouths (didn't even have to tip...). No regrets.

China and Tienanmen Square

Just spent a week in China...and other than trying to dodge eating Bull's Penis (I don't know what happened to the rest of the bull...seriously) in a great majority of the nations restaurants and trying to dodge military people and gates keeping you from seeing half of the actual city, it was a good time.

It's amazing how much of the country and society are completely for show. I went to Tienanmen Square-saw the giant poster of Mao. The square is flanked by these grand and fabulous buildings on the 3 sides not facing the Forbidden City. Giant Roman pillars and sheer beauty and graduer in design. Unfortunately, 2 of them were closed when I was there, but I figured what the hell and I checked out the third - the great hall of the people. It's a beautiful, beautiful building....full of nothing. Absolutely nothing. There are big rooms of nothing...followed by hallways of nothing. An auditorium of nothing. No chairs in most of these places. No art. No anything. Just nothingness. The building is a show for the 99.9% of the people in the world who will never see it. It's a fascade...as are most things related to the communism there.

3 blocks from Tienanmen Square...the embodiment of military and political success in Beijing there are run down little neighborhoods that lack indoor plumbing and rely on the extremely common public bathrooms. These bathrooms aren't gross...they are actually quite clean due to a person who LIVES INSIDE THEM and cleans it incessantly. I'm not kidding. Just a bed pulled up in the bathroom. That is China.

3 blocks from Tienanmen Square...there is a giant broken down neighborhood. However, you can't see it because there is a 20 foot tall poster of an artists rendering of what beijing may have once looked like covering the entire city block. To enter the neighborhood, you need to pass through a gate to the inside which is of course (like everything else in the country) guarded by 4 military officials. These fake scenes are ubiquitous. They are the veil that is pulled over the eyes of the world to promote Beijing. The Hutongs, which are back alleys off of the main drags are one of the most interesting things in the city, as they show the reality of how people live. I saw a person walking out of his apartment--the size of a VW bus and without indoor plumbing--carrying an empty bucket of KFC chicken. I enjoyed that.

Beijing, China

I will likely put up a few new posts in the next day or two about the various things I saw in Beijing. But for now, I am uploading my pics onto my flickr which I haven't updated in way way way too long. There was a horrid smudge over a part of my lense under the outer glass for the first 3 days. So a lot of the pictures have a dark spot. :( Oh well. It randomly went away on day 4 so the later pics are much better.

Check it out.

Pittsburgh and James Dean

More Pittsburgh love.

Also...3 Korean women I work with agreed that I look like James Dean.


Things are good. ^_^

Brown-nosing

Word: Teacher
Sentence: We're teacher is beautiful

Word: Teacher
Sentence: My teacher (Kevin) is handsome.

Both sentences are from 9 year old girls. Pandering will get you anywhere! Bring in an apple next, bitches!

Also funny...

Word: Enemy
Sentence: "I have a enemy its my younger brother."